Moving (back) to Lagos can be an exhausting experience. the city bustles with life, energy and hunger, and its easy yo get overwhelmed by the never ending hustle. This is also one of the best things about Lagos though, and while i keep saying i hate it here, I appreciate how special it is here. Check out the list below, and see if there’s any similar experiences
1. Every rainy season feels like the longest one in history
You’ve also become well educated about the effects of global warming
2. The words “Third mainland bridge” put fear into you
Its 3 hours of your life you don’t ever get back.
3. You don’t consider Ghana to be international travel
not when you know they all wish they were from Lagos
4. You can only stand Abuja people (AKA but we don’t have traffic) for about 10 minutes
And they smell a bit funny too
5. You’d give out your bank details before you share your favourite shawarma guy
When you find a good thing, you keep it.
6. You’ve had a near death experience at Likwid Lounge
Tear gas, flying bottles, stampedes. It’s basically turn up or die trying
7. It seems like every single one of your friends is getting married soon
like every. single. one.
8. One of your friends is a pastors kid who probably does drugs
They’re the absolute worst kids
9. You’ve found yourself arguing on the side of Bola Tinubu before
And you’re at the Shoprite toll gate, you glance at the Oriental, pay your toll fee, and feel quietly ashamed
10. You’re never more than 2 degrees of seperation from Bayo of Orange couture
You don’t know him, but all your cool friends do
11. You hate people that jog on the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge
They’re all pretentious new-money farts..
12. One of your friends went to University of Buckingham
And they always have the best stories about Nigerian Law school
13. You pay your taxes, but you have no idea how they’re computed
The fear of LIRS is the beginning of wisdom
14. You’ve been jogging on the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge
Because obviously you’re a pretentious new-money fart
15. You think the term “Swimming cars” is perfectly normal
‘Fashola is working, Lagos is sinking’
16. In fact, you could probably write a ‘How-to’ manual on the subject.
Switch off AC, Curse Bola Tinubu, Drive really slowly and make sure no one splashes water on your car
17. You don’t have proof, but you know there are definitely zombies behind steering wheels
And you almost died on No Horn day
18. You’ve fought a LASTMA officer before
Because someone needs to.
19. You think Dj Sose is just a normal guy who happens to be at a lot of parties
Face tattoos aren’t nearly the strangest things you see everyday
20. You would totally donate money to a charity called “Compensation for Ikorodu residents who work in Victoria Island”
Because no one has to go through all that pain.
21. You’ve caught yourself complaining about how pretentious people are, or how you see the same people at the club
22. But Friday night is still Turn up night. Standard.
23. You discover more new music (and their dances) at weddings than on TV
And what happens there stays there
24. You’ve done the ‘Lagos Jump’ at Afropolitan vibes
Because Bantu is awesome
25. You sometimes fantasise about living a slow, green life in calabar or somewhere
Lagos is too hectic all the time
26. But you know you’ll probably never leave. Lagos is home.